So, I have a confession to make. I’m vain. I didn’t think that I cared, but turns out that I do. So, a little back story. I feel like I’ve always been pretty body positive. Well, at least since that year I spent as an exchange student in Brazil. Co-ed naked saunas are an excellent way to train yourself to be happy with your body. I also spent more than a decade as a Massage Therapist, so I’ve seen all types of bodies, and all bodies are just bodies, nothing special.
More recently, going through the fertility process, leaves little to the imagination about the female form. My female form in particular. After a visit to the specialist one day, my husband said “A vagina to an OBGYN is like a hammer to a builder.” I think what I decided is that it doesn’t serve me to worry too much about my looks. So, it came as a surprise to me that I am actually quite vain. Brenee Brown said it best in her comment “Like all women, I’ve done my share of self-image work. I love myself so much I’m dangerous.” (said with just enough irony to convey that even dangerous women can get caught up from time to time.)
I had been doing some video marketing for the Yoga Business. When I conceptualized the yoga business, I never imagined that I would be the face of it. I wanted to set it up as a co-op. That business model didn’t quite work, so I refocused, but it meant that I would be a leader, an owner, a boss. Long story short, I was responsible for the social media and marketing of this new venture. Knowing that FB prioritizes native content, I knew I had to show up on video, so I started to do FB lives. Then I started to get some feedback. Not all of it was good. Turns out that my hair was all over the place, and maybe a haircut would provide some consistency.
I love my high cheekbones, so I wanted to choose something that would show them off, so I went with a pixie cut. Plus everyone said how low maintenance short hair is. They lie. My supposedly “easy” short hair was a mess. Indirectly quoting from Pitch Perfect; a mess to which heat is applied, making it intrinsically more messy. A big ol’ hot mess. Even with product, total nightmare for this low maintenance babe. I stopped showing up on video, and lost momentum with my plans. Everything hinged on my confidence about showing up.
I think the worst part, is that I cut my hair because of criticism about my appearance, which I rarely take into consideration. I don’t have a great deal of control over my appearance, and furthermore, I don’t want to be that person who manages it that much, so why listen to the nay sayers? But then I caved, and several months later, I’m still shy about making videos. I recently watched a talk by Brenee Brown that shocked me out of my inertia. She talked about when she read the reviews about her Ted Talk, and it sent her into a venerability hangover. Oh sister. I’ve been there. But later in the talk she says that she learned that you don’t have courage without venerability. Playing in the arena, the one where #bestlife happens takes courage, failure, venerability, and tenacity. What struck me from her talk is that she stopped taking criticism from those who are not playing in the arena. If you aren’t getting your hands dirty, taking chances and sticking your neck out, then your opinion is not worth it to her.
So, I’m going to channel some of her resilience and get over myself and get to work. You will be able to see my on IG and FB in all my messy glory soon.